Because I Want To

Lately, I've been thinking about selfishness a lot. My whole life I have been told that being selfish is bad, it's a negative virtue, it's not one of the Fruits of the Spirit and frankly, it just sounds bad. However, I am slowly coming to the realization that selfishness, in moderation, is actually really good; I'm even making a point to be a little more selfish everyday. Because I have spent an awful lot of my life making sure that I am not a selfish person, and every time I do something a little bit self-centered, I justify the hell out of it. It happens everyday, someone asks me why I don't eat certain things, or go out more, or why I dye my hair or wear makeup and I justify it with some socially acceptable response but most of the time, it's just because I want to (or don't want to) do those things.
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But there is nothing wrong with doing things for me, I deserve a little more self attention than I have been giving myself. Maybe I'm confusing self love for self centered, but either way, the point is pretty much the same. I don't really love myself, and as a result, my self, suffers. A lot.

So, all that being said, I've embarked on a little self loving mission. I'm spending a little bit more time everyday doing things that make me happy and that make me feel good. I'm going out of my way to help me, and I'm trying to spend less energy on explaining myself. More and more I answer the question "why?" with "because I want to..." and less with some form of explanation that the questioner will like. By default, I find myself being more honest and more comfortable with that honesty. I'm not saying that I've stopped helping the little old ladies across the street, or that I don't say yes when someone asks a favor. I'm a saying that I am making time for me and doing things for me which are things I never really have done before, much less been happy about them. I am not selfish for wanting better that what I have right now.

xxx